We’re Due with our First Born in a few weeks, my wife is out to here and miserable, she can't find a comf position to sit or sleep or relax, and you want me to make her feel sexy?
If it wasn’t for this dude I would just laugh and say dudes can’t get pregnant (I know, I know, he is relatively she on the inside and became a he after he realized he didn’t want to she anymore... honestly, I still count him as one badass mamajama.)
but, it’s the 21st Century and life is different, you know?
Any who, my wife’s internal organs are struggling to find a place to literally be, she’s waking up all hours of the night to go pee, and her heartburn has me less concerned for the Zantac industry than I’ve ever been...
not that I was really worried for the heartburn industry, but you get my drift.
Anywhooo times two, here’s 3 kick-ass ways to make your pregnant partner, family member, or buddy feel beddah about the hellacious experience they’re struggling through:
Yes, this goes for having a wife or wifey in general, it’s true, but the A.M. (Anticipate Meter) is now at a permanent 11 out of 5.
• She always has coffee in the morning? No need to ask. Just make it. Every day. (In fact, if you don't have one of these... get one... here's a link to free shipping and 60% off on this Keurig B60 Special Edition Brewing System through Amazon.com!)
• She always changes out the laundry? No need to ask. Just change it out. And fold more.
• Her car has less than a quarter-tank of gas in it? No need to ask. Just go fill it up. To full.
• There’s an IKEA box on the floor filled with who knows what to make the incoming baby’s crib?
Get on it, soldier. Ask a neighbor for help and for God’s sake at least one freakin’ time follow the damn directions.
My point? Yup. No need to wait. Honestly, there never was a need to wait before either, fruit loop dingus.
Leave little notes around the house every few days just telling her that she’s smokin’ hot, that she’s uber bang-worthy, that even through her screams for more Preparation H because of the hemorrhoid flair-ups...
that she’s still your everything.
They don’t have to be opus-esque. Just something Ketel One-esque, you know, something to take the edge off.
Remember when massages where the exclusive zone of foreplay?
Wake up. New reality.
Give them before she asks for them. Don’t wait.
In 30+ weeks it has been extremely, extremely rare for my honey-pot to say “nope, no thanks” when I started rubbing her
• Lower back
• Shoulders and
Your Adderall has worn off and you don’t have the patience to give a massage? Call around to a massage clinic and get her a 90 min massage. We’ve used Massage Envy for years and find them to be the best massage for your massage buck.
Make sure you reserve her a spot with someone who is experienced with pre-natal massage.
For her, silly. Not for you.