7 Reasons Why a Man In Control is So Appealing
February 13th is fast approaching and so is the frenzy surrounding 50 Shades of Grey. In case you have been on a remote island the last few years and have no clue what 50 Shades of Grey is, I will sum it up for you.
Christain Grey, one of the two main characters of the book, is a devastatingly handsome, wealthy, successful and controlling man with a penchant for certain bedroom appetites. He is, in all areas of his life, a dominant and in-control man. It's this control in the bedroom that pleases him the most. In fact, he has his female partners sign contracts that explain in great detail what will happen between the two of them so there are no surprises. The other main character is Anastasia Steele, or Ana. She is a 21 year old virgin that meets Mr. Grey for an interview and they quickly fall for each other. He then introduces her to all aspects of who he is.
It's a great love story that happens to involve some BDSM.
When the book first came out they were literally everywhere. Target had them, Walmart had them, all the book stores had them! I remember seeing several women reading them in public throughout that year as well. People could not stop talking about this book and yes, I read all three of them myself. Christian Grey had become a living, breathing man to millions of women and they were all ready to sign contracts with him.
After much thought and research on what these women (myself included) were reacting to, it wasn't so much the bondage part of it (that’s a welcome extra!) as much as it was about a man in complete control. Not a man that seeks to control others as a way to control himself. This was a man that was in control of himself, thus controlling the people and events around him. The mass appeal in this story is that Christian Grey is the dominant, alpha male that us women fantasize about. He is the man that will run an entire 40,000 person company with ease, a man that goes after what he wants and gets it and the man that loves his woman so much that he caters to her every need before she has even registered a need in her own subconscious mind. A man so tuned into his lover that he can read her body language at the slightest twitch. This is a man that every woman seeks and never finds. He’s the male unicorn!
So after much re-reading of the book for educational purposes only (strictly educational purposes) I have come up with 7 reasons why women love the idea of a real life Christian Grey; a man in control.
1. He is in total acceptance of himself, good and bad.
No one is perfect. We all have flaws. Even the perfect man has flaws. The difference here is that the man in control owns his flaws. He recognizes his weaknesses and doesn't allow others to use that to hurt him or attempt to control him. The man in control accepts who he is on every level and does not try to fight against that.
2. He gives back. He is a philanthropist.
A man that gives back to his community is a man that values life. He is able to give to others without fear of creating competition for himself or out of a fear of scarcity. He is secure and sees helping as a form of empowerment for others. He does not fear competition.
3. He is aware of his alpha-ness, yet remains humble.
Women love men that are confident not egotistical. A man that is in full control of himself does not need to announce it to the world. His every action will show the confidence he feels. It will show in how he walks, how he talks, how he handles business and how he lives his life. If a man feels the need to brag about his alpha status, its a sure sign he is not an alpha.
4. He seeks to better himself.
A man that is in control will realize that he is not perfect and will seek to continually better himself. The best part is that he will be open to accepting his flaws and will work to improve them. Even Christian Grey seeks help with his issues and sees a therapist. Here is a man that is really in touch with himself.
5. He will push boundaries.
A man in control understands that growth happens when he steps outside of his comfort zone and chances are he will push the woman he loves out of her comfort zone as well. He will give this woman space to learn and accept who she is without judgement, as he has had to do, and push her to better herself as well. In the book, Christian happens to use a little kink to achieve this with Anastasia. Every woman has a desire to be pushed to her limits in the bedroom. Some admit it and some don’t. Christian makes it okay for Anastasia to open up to the possibility of BDSM in an open, non-judgmental way. Think about the unlimited possibilities that exist if we were able to push ourselves past our limits without judgement??
6. He is able to protect the woman he loves.
If a man is unable to protect the woman he loves then that woman will not feel safe and secure with that man. One of the most important aspects of a relationship for a woman is that she must feel safe and secure with her man. A man should know how to fight. A man that is in control does not walk in fear. He walks in confidence because he knows that he is able to protect the woman he loves. He does not instigate a fight but he will finish it.
7. Being with a man in control means never having to question where we are with him.
Christian Grey outlines everything he wants and everything he expects from a lover through a very detailed contract. I am not advocating contracts for relationships, only appreciating the upfront honesty about expectations and leaving nothing to chance. This is the type of man that you will never have to worry about where you stand with him. He will be honest with you at all times because he will expect that in return from you. A man like this will not have to play mind games and use deception as a means of getting what he wants and he will never play mind games with a woman that he loves.
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