14 Tips to Keep the Romance Burning After the Baby

by Allen Gil February 12, 2015

14 Tips to Keep the Romance Burning After the Baby

Photo Credit: solution.org

Congratulations on just having a baby! Life takes on a completely new meaning once a child is born and it’s a beautiful thing.  A woman’s body goes through so much during the 9 months of pregnancy and the birth of a child and while some changes are good, like great skin, hair, nails, and a crazy sex drive, some are not so good, like morning sickness and heartburn.  However, it's all worth it once you hold your baby for the first time and look into those adorable eyes of theirs.  It is an instant, all-consuming love that you want to melt into from that moment on until forever, or until they start driving at 16.

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It's very easy to focus all of your attention and energy into that little being and leave nothing for your partner or yourself.  Nurturing your relationship with your partner and with yourself may seem obsolete and unimportant compared to the importance you feel when you look at your baby, but this shouldn't be that case. 

Being a great mother and a great partner require that you are a great self-nurturer as well.  How are you able to care properly for others if you cannot properly care for yourself?  After all, your partner may feel a little left out when your attention is so focused on the baby.  You may even feel that you have lost your identity as a loving, sexually responsive partner in your relationship, and may not feel like you have any energy left to cultivate that relationship.

Sexuality is a part of who we are and it’s easy to forget that sometimes. 

Here are 14 simple ways to cultivate and maintain your sexual spark and connection with your partner after the birth of a child.

1. First things first, let’s talk wardrobe. 

Pre-baby weight/shape does not come right back just because you had the baby.  Your pre-baby wardrobe probably doesn’t fit (unless you are the really lucky woman that can wear her skinny jeans home from the hospital, in which case I am super envious of you!) and your maternity clothes don’t either, but that’s all you are able to wear at the moment.  Stop right now and go buy some clothes that fit.  You don’t have to spend a lot, but the key to feeling good about how you look, and thus feeling sexy, is clothing that fits.  Once you lose all the baby weight, you can donate these to a local woman’s shelter so it’s a win-win.  Don’t forget a little something lacy and silky either!

2. Are you still not feeling like your sexy self?

Let your partner know what turns you on about them.  They will feel a spark of ammunition, if you will, and will probably return the compliment.  That spark is all you need to start the fire!

3. Try dancing together.

It doesn’t matter when or where, it could be in the garage at 2 am or in your living room during a commercial break, just as long as your bodies are touching and your minds are on each other.

4. Send your partner a flirty, sexy text out of the blue, when it is least expected.

Take it up a notch and send a photo if you are feeling up to it.  Nothing crazy, maybe just suggestive.  Visual stimulation is an awesome tool for initiating sexual advances.

5. Talk to your partner, every day, about anything other than the baby.

Do this for at least 10 minutes. Talk like you did when you first started dating.

6. Compliment your partner daily.

They will eventually do the same for you.  This creates a loop of positive thinking that will help reinforce the bond that your partner and you share.

7. Hug for more than 60 seconds every day.

It is essential that you and your partner touch, hold hands, hug, and or kiss every day.  Oxytocin is released with skin to skin contact and it's the hormone responsible for bonding us to each other and our children.

8. Flash each other. Seriously!

9. Go on a weekly date, without the kids.

date night
Just the two of you, with no talking about the baby!  We know it can be hard to do but even if it’s a picnic and a walk, just start dating again.

10. Have a weekly “sex” date.

Multi-task and use the night you go on your date as a sex night too.  Even if you don’t want to, make the effort.  The more sex you have, the more sex you'll want.

11. You don’t have to go all the way!

Even just a steamy make out session before bed can rev up that engine and leave you wanting more.

12. Offer a sexual favor trade once a month.

You pick one thing you want without returning the favor and your partner does the same.

13. Take advantage of nap time!

A quickie while baby sleeps is a great way to feel invigorated.  Trust us, the laundry really can wait.

14. Who needs a bed when there are great kitchen counters, or bathroom counters, or the workbench in the garage?

Beds are for sleeping and chances are when you lay down at night that is what you'll want to do.  Having sex in places other than your bed are always fun to remember the next day when you walk by them, or clean them, like the bathroom counters.  Talk about turning chores into fun!

Cherish your family and all that you have done to create it, and maybe even create another little one!

Allen Gil
Allen Gil


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