7 Sure Fire Ways to Fail at Online Dating

by Allen Gil March 07, 2015

7 Sure Fire Ways to Fail at Online Dating

Photo Credit: lh3.ggpht.com

Online dating can be summed up in one phrase: window shopping. Think about it. You scroll through photos of people until you find one you might like to “try on.” That's exactly what window shopping is. Of course, you thoroughly investigate all their photos like Sherlock Holmes looking for tiny clues they may have forgotten to hide that reveal who they truly are.

At the first sign of any grammatical error or grainy photo, you are ready to put them back on the rack and move on. You are hopeful still, so you continue to try. After all, your cousin’s best friend married a guy she met through an online dating site so why can't it work for you too?

If you want to find that special someone and you have turned to online dating to help you out, then it’s a great thing because it means you are putting yourself out there. That is half the battle right there. As a woman that has tried online dating, I can honestly say that I have met some interesting people.

Some have been good, and I still remain friends with them. I have also encountered some people that honestly, I want to run far away from because they remind me of that scary guy yelling at the girl in the hole to put the lotion on its skin. He even had a cute white fluffy puppy and was still crazy. What does it take to succeed at online dating? Heck if I know. However, I know what doesn’t work, and I know why.

1. Outdated Photos.


You have one super-hot picture of yourself, and it’s from 1996. This one great photo you have is…you guessed it… a deal breaker. First off, any semi-educated person will recognize that it's outdated because it isn’t digital. It’s slightly out of focus and grainy like you scanned it into your computer and re-sized it.

Is that a fanny pack and a perm? Yes, we look at each and every photo, and when we see one that is out of date, we bolt! We don't even stop to read the profile. Quite frankly, if you're not going to be honest about what you look like now, what else are you going to lie to us about somewhere down the line? Next please!

2. Lying about your age.

Your profile says you're 35, but you have more grey hair than my grandmother. Or you have what looks to be grown kids that you are hugging in one of your photos. Really? When did you have them, when you were 10?

Now, I have nothing against grey hair, in fact, on the right man, it’s downright sexy and worldly... If he is a really attractive older man. Even still, I have known men and women that go grey at a much younger age, which is fine, and I don't mind.

However, if you look older than what your profile says, then, again, why are you lying? Or, maybe you have some strange theory that you will attract a MUCH younger woman than I am, and I don’t like where that's going. What exactly are you hiding?

Wait, I really don't want to know. I’ll keep scrolling, thank you.

3. You are looking for a fairytale romance.



Your profile sounds like you are copying lines straight from a Disney movie. You want the fantasy. The perfect man to sweep you off your feet, and rescue you from your life of normalcy. Of course he is wealthy, educated, in shape, and will be your knight in shining armor.

You're not complete until you have found him and married him in a huge wedding. Sister, forget the fantasy! Most men run in the complete opposite direction from a woman that needs rescuing because there is an issue there, and if all you want to do is run from it, you are not adequately dealing with reality.

A partner or spouse can help you with problem-solving and by simply being supportive and that’s the backbone of a great relationship. However, you need to manage your expectations of dating and what it really means to be in a relationship. It’s about two people with a common goal, not one person leeching off of the other.

4. Too many requirements for your match.



What is up with the insane amount of “requirements for a partner?” Seriously, if you are being super specific right down to the type of water they drink, then you are way too picky and might as well go get a few cats and call it a day.

Serious deal breakers should be major things like smoking or excessive drinking, not eyebrow color and socks with sandals. I could handle a guy that wore socks with sandals if he was my idea of the perfect guy.

I might try to curb that habit though. Being too picky and detailed in what you are looking for, will eliminate the possibility of actually finding someone. Too picky? Get over it. You have flaws too. Can’t handle that? Neither can I. Yep, I’ll get back to scrolling.

5. Sending too many flirts without a message.


If your only means of contacting someone you might like is by using the free services like a flirt or a wink, then why are you even on the site? The free services should only be used once.

If you send a consecutive wink or flirt, and no message, it’s obvious that you are not paying for your membership and you want me to give you some type of way to contact me, so that you do not have to pay. Come on! That’s just tacky! Pay the fee like everyone else. Two winks, without so much as a message to say hi, you’ll be ignored.

6. You are a self-labeled “catch.”

We are all a great catch to the right person. However, if you have labeled yourself as a great catch and you are in your mid 40’s, never been married, don't have kids, and are hoping to meet Ms. or Mr. right because you are a great catch, chances are, you are not that great of a catch.

I'm left wondering why you keep getting thrown back into the sea if you are such a great catch.

7. Using text abbreviations or having bad grammar.


Proofread your profile. Maybe even a second or third time. If I am to take you at your word, and your words are slung together using text abbreviations or you are unable to use the correct there, their, or they’re, your words are useless.

If I am reading your profile and I am editing it as I read, then where did you get your college education from? You could be the ideal match, but if your grammar doesn’t reflect that, I am moving on.

And saying that you are a “ppl person;” are these people your teenage kids? Use the whole word! It doesn’t take any more than two extra seconds to spell out the whole word. 

Allen Gil
Allen Gil


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